But Jesus won't make you fire retardant

The Showtime series “Weeds” is in my top ten. It’s a hilarious romp through suburbia with, Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker), a pot dealin’ soccer mom as the tour guide. While not a show for everyone, the writing is witty and comical as Nancy sells her MILF weed to everyone from the local accountant/city councilman (Kevin Nealon) to Snoop Dogg.

I was filled with glee and enjoyment when I finally received my "Weeds" DVDs in the mail (online DVD renting is another one of my favorites). If you aren't sure about the show, I've listed a few reasons why I'm hooked and watched the entire season in one weekend.

Reasons to watch “Weeds”:


The addition of Mary-Kate Olsen to the cast for the third season as Tara a pot lovin’ virgin whom Nancy’s teenage son, Silas (Hunter Parrish), pines over.



Nancy’s brother-in-law going to Sex Anonymous to pick up on chicks.

An ex-city councilman who steals a giant cross during a feud and uses it to light a marijuana grow house.





Jeffrey Dean Morgan in one episode… need I say more.









Zooey Deschanel’s character leaving 12-year-old Shane Botwin to fend for himself at a diner with a large hippie bus and money stolen from a tampon machine.

The same 12-year-old Shane Botwin attempting to drive the hippie bus after duct taping stuff to the pedals so he can reach them.

And my favorite…

an exchange of dialog that starts with “Jesus will protect us” and ends with “But Jesus won’t make you fire retardant.”

Some of my firsts...

So Jen told me to do this when I mentioned what my first CD was. So here are some of my firsts... at the least the ones I can remember.


First LP

Def Leppard - Hysteria



This LP was purchased last October while I was in Scotland. While browsing through a Used and New music store in Edinburgh on the Royal Mile I came across this rare and awesome find. I immediately thought... the owner of the company I work for would love this. No, not just love but LOOOOVE this. He loves the Def Leppard.




First Cassette

Aerosmith - Livin' on the Edge (Single)




This was the first cassette I can think of that I actually purchased with my own money. I do have others that are more embarassing like Paula Abdul, Vanilla Ice (yep, the full length cassette with this 'original' song "Ice, Ice Baby"), and of course the full discography (or cassette-ography) of Joey, Jon, Jordan, Danny and Donnie. Oh ya, the New Kids on the Block (or if you're a true fan, NKOTB) were constantly found blastin' from my ghetto blaster.



First CD



The Bodyguard Soundtrack

And IIIIIIIIII-eeeeeee-IIIIIIIII willll allllllllllways love Yooooooooou-oooo ooo!!!

What can I say? I didn't get actually musical taste until junior high. But if you time traveled back to 1992, you would be able to catch me belting out my horrifyingly deaf-toned voice as Whitney sang Dolly Parton's sappy love's-found-and-then-lost song.



First iTunes Purchase

David Bowie (feat. NIN) - I'm Afraid of Amercians




I love this song and it's a great example of how amazing Trent Reznor is in the production role. The fact that I can get this song without purchasing an entire CD with Bowie songs I don't want... priceless. I love iTunes.





First VHS


The Princess Bride




With brillant lines like...
"Mawwiage, Mawiage is what bwings us togever today"
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die"
"Is this a kissing book?"
"Stop that I mean it! Anybody want a peanut?"

...how could I not get this on VHS. Plus, Cary Elwes is so cute.




First DVD

Dune


Okay I'm a big SciFi geek and this proves it. But I must say that this is NOT the Stanley Kubrick version. This is the SciFi Channel mini-series and I purchased it before I even owed a DVD player. In fact, I first watched this on my parents computer because that was the only DVD player I had access to.

Now you're either quoting Princess Bride or singing Whitney Houston... (Ha, Ha!) my evil plan has succeeded.

STP, beer and butt grabbing

I've been anxiously awaiting the day when I could see Scott Weiland live in SLC. But I always thought he'd be on tour with Velvet Revolver as Stone Temple Pilots hasn't toured or release an album in a while. Tonight Scott Weiland and crew rocked the stage at the E-Center in West Valley City. Their openning band - a SLC group called Royal Bliss was actually really good. I'd recommend their show to anyone, especially if it's in a bar. Once the local bar band ended their set two drunk guys sitting behind Jen and I began chanting "STP! STP!" I left for the restroom and upon my return the drinking two had multiplied into four. I sat and listened to their one-uping as the roadies set up for STP.

The lights lowered and the band trickled on stage amid cheers from the energetic crowd. As Weiland took the stage everyone rose to their feet screaming. The excitement continued as they played hit after hit. Weiland began in a suit and red fadora hat. Slowly as the night wore on Weiland stripped his hat, jacket, vest, tie and eventually shirt.

With a crowd of 90% over 21-years-old, most of the audience was drinking and/or drunk. This created an interesting group including the mini mosh pit of two that became four in the row in front of us and the extremely inebriated woman that kept smacking our butts as she tried to get Jen and I to dance.

STP is definitely a band to see live. Between the crazy crowd, Weiland's dance moves and the amazing show, one would never leave disappointed.

Strange Utah Specimens

CASE STUDY #1

As I was sitting at a busy intersection I did a double take when I saw two individuals (or subjects) riding in a golf cart. Now I’m not going to divulge my whereabouts on the internet (I’m not stupid) but lets just say that it was an area far away from any golf course and/or retirement community. Sitting in my tiny car I wondered if the rising gas prices caused these particular subjects to turn in the keys to their car and start driving a golf cart. Fortunately for the drivers in regular gas guzzling vehicles, the golf cart was traveling down the sidewalk. Unfortunately for pedestrians, it was going fast enough to mow down small children and little old ladies.

CASE STUDY #2

Starving after sitting through a long class, I raced back to work. Before I returned I ran one errand, loaded my car up with gas at the excruciatingly painful price of $4.15 per gallon, and drove to Café Rio for some much needed food. I had been craving the salads from this evil Mexican Grill and finally found the line inside at a reasonable length. As I stood in line for my order I bumped into the nice woman in front of me. I soon found out that this woman was an eccentric, blond who speaks Spanish and has an affinity for public singing. This encounter began my second case study. She began by talking to the employees in Spanish, then one of the employees grabbed a younger male employee and made him stand up front. The woman start to sing - no belt out - a song in Spanish and all I could think of was “Dear God, Please don’t let these people think that I’m with her!” While I was mortified and REALLY hungry, I finally placed my order and halfway down the line the woman started to sing again. At this point I was glad I ate the Oatmeal cookie thingy Jen-Knee gave me while I was in class or I would have been so hungry I probably could’ve strangled her. Instead I stared on as the employees egged her on for more songs. I was just wishing I could get my grilled chicken salad with creamy tomatillo dressing and leave. Finally, I finished my order and the register was in sight. I almost made it to the register when the woman started to sing another song. Apparently the employees were making requests. Three songs later I was finally able to pay for my food and rush out before anymore craziness ensued.