The Return of the Tapered Jean

Originally Posted on MySpace on Sunday, April 27, 2008

Okay, maybe it's me. I am getting older and jumping off the fashion train is just one of those things that you do when you get out of high school, college and then just don't care that you're wearing last year's jeans and jewelry circa 1999. With this in mind, I am still baffled at the return of the tapered jean. This was a bad fashion statement in the 80s and it hasn't improved, in fact, it's gotten worse.

In the eighties many fashion blunders were displayed in film, TV and on some of my nearest and dearest, but the tapered leg pant was – in my opinion – the worst. Not only do they make the bottom half of your body look like an inverted triangle, but in the eighties they were often accompanied by baggie shirts with shoulder pads and synched off with a belt.

Now fast forward to today. This fashion mistake has returned in full force to the rock stage. Male guitarists, drummers and lead singers from bands like 30 Seconds to Mars and My Chemical Romance have begun to wear their pants in this unflattering style.

The side effect? The tapered style has filtered down to male teens, male adults, and up-and-coming bands who now have proudly taken up this horrifying trend.

The unfortunate part is that not only are the jeans tapered but they are also low-rise and made out of some sort of stretch material. Giving the tapered jean a snug fit, the stretch material gives everyone the opportunity to see your junk. I don't want to see your junk. You know it's there, I know it's there, can we just move on? Also, the low-rise feature combined with the stretch material just gives bigger guys the mushroom top. Fellas, this was not attractive on the ladies, so what makes you think it's a good look for you?

While I cannot make everyone see the ridiculousness of this re-emerging jean trend, I just hope that when you go to buy your next pair of pants you'll jump off the fashion train with me and grab a more flattering pair of jeans.